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Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?" " First Place !," said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" " First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?" They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the hell is Obama?" asked Pinocchio

Posted on Sep 22, 2009 21:38pm by admin (Read More... | 1 bytes more)

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one.So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

Posted on Aug 12, 2009 22:32pm by admin (Read More... | 1323 bytes more)

Some old,some new but still funny,..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to make love?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - ---- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

Posted on Aug 06, 2009 22:07pm by admin (Read More... | 4772 bytes more)

retired people

retired people Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Posted on Aug 01, 2009 23:08pm by admin (Read More... | 1 bytes more)

Dear Grand-daughter

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker... I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

Posted on Jul 27, 2009 22:00pm by admin (Read More... | 2376 bytes more)

AIN'T

He was just a little boy, On a week's first day. Wandering home from Bible school, And dawdling on the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass; He even found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, And blew out all the 'filler.' A bird's nest in a tree overhead, So wisely placed up so high. Was just another wonder, That caught his eager eye.

Posted on May 15, 2009 12:14pm by admin (Read More... | 606 bytes more)

HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP

>> > Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed > monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking > her nose into other people's business. > > Several members did not approve of her > extra curricular activities, but feared her > enough to maintain their silence. > > She made a mistake, however, when she > accused Frank, a new member, of being an > alcoholic after she saw his old pickup > parked in front of the town's > only bar one afternoon. . > > She emphatically told Frank > (and several others) > that every one seeing it there > WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING ! > > Frank, a man of few words , > stared at her for a moment and > just turned and walked away > He didn't explain, defend, or deny > He said nothing. > > Later that evening, > Frank quietly parked his pickup > in front of Mildred's house ..... > walked home > . . .and left it there all night !!! > >

Posted on Apr 29, 2009 22:26pm by admin (Read More... | 50 bytes more)