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AGE by Wal-Mart standards

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Martto get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following: In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register. In your 30's:

Posted on Jan 15, 2009 15:06pm by admin (Read More... | 2336 bytes more)

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN!!!!!!!

ESTATE PLANING Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in thefamily business.He discovered that he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died so hedecided he needed a wife with whom to share hisfortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautifulwomanhe had ever seen.Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will be dead and I'll inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,she became his stepmother.Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Posted on Jan 09, 2009 23:54pm by admin (Read More... | 1 bytes more)

Happy New Year

As I reflect on 2008, I can say we had a great year: Blacks are happy; Obama was elected. Whites are happy, OJ is in jail. Democrats are happy; George Bush is leaving office. Republicans are happy: Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole the election. And all of us are so happy; The election is finally over! I think 2009 will be even better: Immediately after his inauguration, Obama will balance the budget, revive the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mudslides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft, reverse global warming, find Osama, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace . Then on the 7th day, He will rest.

Posted on Jan 09, 2009 23:45pm by admin (Read More... | 1 bytes more)

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? "It's been a year!" I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!

Posted on Jan 09, 2009 23:42pm by admin (Read More... | 1 bytes more)

Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

Posted on Nov 20, 2008 23:44pm by admin (Read More... | 1408 bytes more)

Subject: Worry

> Is there a magic cutoff period when Offspring become accountable for > > their own actions? > > Is there a wonderful moment when Parents can become detached spectators in > > The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's their life,' and feel > > nothing? > > > > When I was in mytwenties, I stood in a hospital Corridor waiting for > > doctors to put a few stitches > > in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' > > The nurse said,'When they get out of the accident stage.' > > My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. > > > >

Posted on Oct 13, 2008 23:35pm by admin (Read More... | 2217 bytes more)

THEY WALK AMONG US

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free' She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door. They Walk Among Us! One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where'? They Walk Among Us! While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

Posted on Oct 13, 2008 01:05am by admin (Read More... | 1557 bytes more)