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IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON. 

George Carlin's Views on Aging 

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. 

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! 

But then you turn 30.  Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What' s changed? 

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50, and your dreams are gone...

But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! 

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50, and make it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that, it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! 

You get into your 80's, and ev ery day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!' 
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG 
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them. 

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.Keep learning.  Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's  family name is Alzheimer's. 

4. Enjoy the simple things. 

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves Be ALIVE while you are alive. 

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. 
AND, ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. 
And, if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!! 

Think carefully about what you will

Be reading... 

Mary, had a 

Little Lamb, 

 His fleece was 

White as snow. 

 And everywhere 

That Mary went, 

 The Lamb was sure 

To go. 

 He followed her 

To school each day, 

 T'wasn't even in 

The rule. 

 It made the 

Children laugh and play, 

 To have The Lamb 

At school.. 

 And then the 

Rules all changed one day, 

 Illegal it 

Became; 

 To bring The Lamb 

Of God to school, 

 Or even speak His 

Name! 

 Every day got 

Worse and worse, 

 And days turned 

Into years. 

 Instead of 

Hearing children laugh, 

 We heard gun 

Shots and tears. 

 What must we do 

To stop the crime, 

 That's in our 

Schools today? 

 Let's let The 

Lamb come back to school, 

 And teach our kids to pray! 

If you agree, 

Please pass this on. It is said that 86% of the World's people

Believe in God. Why don't we 

Just tell the other 14% to be quiet and sit down? 

 If you agree, pass this on, 

If not delete. 

God Bless you 

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I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed in the head now and have little chance of recovery. 



I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel..

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. 

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats and calories I have consumed over the years. 


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 



ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. 


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually pumped with hormones and will make me fat with huge boobs.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants 

even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. 



I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. 


I no longer use Saran Wrap or plastic containers in the microwave because it causes cancer. 

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. 

I no longer eat toast at all as I'm terrified I will burn it and get cancer. 

I no longer go to shopping malls 

because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Exsince they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ...


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. 

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. 

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

 

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.


 And I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because water splashes over 6 ft. out of the commode.